I'm really affected and I don't know why.
This questions hanging.
And, I really feel like I'm going to break down after like 17 yrs of my life.

My life looks really good.
Funny parents and all.
But it was just a facade.
The family part.
Not me.

I used to think that I was putting up a facade.
But I realised I wasn't.
I wasn't easily affected by the things around me.
Even if my loved ones were.

If I told you half the things that happened to me.
You would probably think why I ain't demented yet, why i ain't dead yet?
Why I didn't chose suicide.

It's because suicide is for cowards.
It's for the retards that give up.
And partially because all that happened was created by, my own hands.
The one that I use to write, the same one that I'm using to type now.

If I had a chance to alter my life.
I would.
If I had a chance to die.
I wouldn't.

And feelings towards others.
I wish I can be as determined as Kian How.
I really wish I can be half of him.
He tells me he will suppress his feelings.
I wished I was half as good as him, so I wouldn't have to think so much, so I wouldn't be affected.
I wish.

I'm thankful for all the friends I met in my life.
And, I wish I can alter and change people's lives for the better.
Simply because of one reason.
I failed to change my own.
I failed miserably.
I failed terriblly.
And now, I'm paying for it.
My mind's torturing me.

I think I gotta just take break.
I have to retreat into that comfy shell that calls to me.
Enticingly.